Sunday, June 26, 2011

Hypothesis Of Reality






It is only when a million hypothetical situations combine, that we arrive at a real one.” This was once quoted to me by a dear friend. Although the reference at that time was quite literal, I was left wondering at the sheer honesty of the words. If we take this perspective to look at that wonderfully abstract thing called life, it becomes so easy to understand!  After all, what is life….. It is so many things, so many emotions; expectations….but if we do go into the actual depths, are these for real? Everything is in our minds…hypothetical to say, it is only how we perceive, how we react…
                                
    And when all these hypothetical, non-existent things come together, they conjure up that magical wonder- LIFE……..

Life is…. never exactly what you want.
Life is…always wanting something more


Life is….a search that never ends.
Life is….a treasure to be found.


Life is….full of failures.
Life is….a new opportunity every day.


Life is…abandonment of dreams.
Life is….embrace of reality.

Life is….letting go off your innocence.
Life is….growing up!

Life is….betrayal at every step.
Life is….trusting each step you take.

Life is….anger, war, hatred.
Life is…..falling madly in love.

Life is….hurting and getting hurt.
Life is…. Smiles, hugs and kisses.

Life is….survival of the fittest.
Life is….. the desire to survive.

Life is…..a challenge on your face.
Life is….realizing your potential.


Life is…..hopeless nights.
Life is….hoping for the day to come.

Life is….a deadline on everything.
Life is….moving forward to the new.

Life is….such a competition!
Life is….the joy of victory.

Life is…..never good enough.
Life is….the ultimate scope of improvement.

Life is…..pain and sickness.
Life is….”get well soon”.

Life is …..separations and good byes.
Life is….”see you again”.

Life is…..an impossible situation.
Life is…..”miracles do happen”.


Life is….wild and weird.
Life is…..a wonder every moment.

Life is…losing your way.
Life is….finding yourself  .......




PS: Why I am happy-
This is my first ever post to be published. It recently made its way to the guest column of 'THE VIEWSPAPER', India's biggest youth paperhttp://theviewspaper.net/hypothesis-of-reality/

Monday, June 13, 2011

The basic instinct

A happy- go- lucky, young, restless, girl.... who had her own free will, doing things ,going places....... living life.
You never bothered to think twice before plunging into something that your heart desired , you never cared about proving yourself correct , or what the planet thought about you . It never moved you if someone looked down upon you, if someone hated you , or even if someone was falling in love with  you...it was always,"who cares" or "their bad".......
 But suddenly one morning , you are sitting beside a hospital bed , when a cannula laden tiny hand moves out of a blanket, touches your face , waking you up.
 The creator of that wonderful touch tells you to pick him up in your lap, and once you do that, he clutches your neck, starting to cry of pain... his cries grow louder, as his clutch becomes tighter... you could have called for a nurse, or even the doctor, this was never your responsibility, you weren't the one supposed to sort this out.....
 But something in that clutch appeals to you, those tiny hands clinging on to you, that little head resting on your bosom......you are struck with the awesomeness of those touches, you go through an unexplainable turmoil of emotions.
This was just very unexpected, you have been staying awake for eleven nights in a row now  and instead of feeling exhausted, or giving up, you just feel more determined than ever that you have to put everything right, you just know that you have to ease it for him, he was depending on you, expecting that you would somehow take him out of all his pains....you suddenly start caring about proving yourself, caring about what this 7 year old thought of you, you were moved because he was looking up to you, and may be, just may be, he loved you!!!
..... you return the force of his clutch with a gentle touch, somehow, magically you just happen to know exactly what you are supposed to do, you are almost perfect at it, there's no stress, you are loving it!!
 Slowly, he stops crying,his breathing eases,he nudges at your neck, his eyelids droop and he falls asleep,

You are left speechless....
Looking at that diseased, scarred , 2 . 5 feet tall, 10 kilo heavy bundle of problems and difficulties, you feel you have never seen so much beauty in your entire life,
After having so many sleepless nights and restless days, you feel you have never felt so much at peace...

You feel the tickle of his breath on your neck, you notice that his breathing has somehow matched the rhythm of your pulse....you trace his cheek with your finger, he smiles in his sleep... you realize your potential to induce that smile , you are spellbound !!

  you have never felt so competent
 so complete... so needed... so beautiful

He just makes me speechless :)



Monday, May 9, 2011

JERK ALERT!!!

You dont do this!! you dont go into hibernation for six months , and then when you at last decide to write something again , all that comes to your mind  is the biggest jerk on planet earth.
The jerk who, if the english language allows , could signify as the opposite word to yourself ;
He is a narcissistic , I m perhaps my biggest critic!!
He is an all time cursing fellow, I consider even " rascal " (sorry :0) to be a big swear word!!
He is totally into gizmos , I still prefer pen and paper!!
He is in love with computers(actually a software engineer) , I have to think twice before spelling c-o-m-p-u-t-e-r-s!!
He personifies " LAZY ",  I hate having nothing to do!
He plans to color his hair green , I hate hair colors and I hate green!!

He is a total weirdo as well :
I tell him I kind of saved a child's life ...... all he manages to express is " F*** "
He misses me and the only text I get is " are you dead "
I show him my new camera, his compliments : " this can make even me look human " 
He didnt notice when I lost 12 kilos , but I got a " yukk! you are wearing make up " when I had just a trace of Kohl in my eyes!!


This guy , I have known for a long time (really long)...........still I wonder if I really know him at all!!
I know that he has been around for what has been fourteen years , has managed to forget my birthday , in each of those fourteen years , I know he has never had even a single word of consolation in distressed times of mine , has never had any kind of bonding with any member of my family , I know he has never been an advisor to me ever , does not have any taste similar to mine.............and the list is endless........ so you see,I know quite a lot of  things...
                              But what I do not know , is how this jerk entered and actually became a part of my life fourteen years back , why I defend him when he forgets birthdays , how he manages to find excuses to be around every time I am upset , and actually manages to cheer me up without saying a single word , how , without any bonding , he managed to thrill my entire family when he topped the 12th boards , how he never has any advices when I desperately need one , but yet, manages to calm my nerves and clear my head , how being the exact opposite , he still manages to make me retain my tastes and have respect for them.There are a thousand more similar things that I do not know and have failed to understand.........
I never used to believe in the concept of  " best friend " , I always used to think that a guy and a girl can never be " just friends " , I used to think that the idea of  " gelling of the opposites " was just too cliche.......It was a firm belief of mine that me and " the jerk " could never be too close......... But then ,of course,  the jerk, has a tendency to oppose  me, he had to prove me wrong and  he did that wonderfully!
 today, I have a " best friend ", a best friend who is a guy and then too, a " just friend " ,of course we are opposites and I still love him........ and  " too close "  is just not saying enough!!

 People usually look for a " friend-philosopher-guide "  in their best friends.... I just have a jerk.... and thats precisely why I love him:) :) :)





da JERK wid me : -D

Saturday, January 8, 2011

its different this time :)

I am not good at it... but I just love doing it...  pa  got me a new cam (yippeee)... thought I would share some of my "work" (hahahaha) with u all :).
While taking these pictures I came to a conclusion- whoever said that "beauty lies inside" must have been blind.... a hell lot of it lies outside too... anywhere your eyes can travel...




INNOCENCE 






FEATHERS AND BEAKS






















HOLY
    
  





















LIGHTS










EVERYTHING ALWAYS ENDS AT...'ET-CETERA'


















I would like to mention here that I know nothing about photography. All I know is that the world I am living in is a truly beautiful place... I just wanted to capture some of that beauty and then share it. In case any of you are in a bad mood today and are having that "let the world be damned" or "its an ugly world out there" kinda feeling... I hope this post was a help... we are all blessed with a lot of beauty around us... hope each of you can see that :)
..

Friday, November 12, 2010

GENUINE HATRED!

Disclaimer:  In case that you, a member of the society for the most misfortunate mishappenings on planet earth ( read: friends) or you, frantic panic alarm systems,( read: family) come across this, I would like to provide the kind information that this post is only a piece of fiction, and any resemblance to any person dead or alive is purely co-incidental ( only I think that nothing "pure" exists in todays world ...and well...a lady neva tells ;))...
Also, in the rarest of all occasions in which a certain person decides to read my blog , comes across this and finds any connection with himself.....I would say....grow up darl!!! You are soo self obsessed :P

 Here goes...

I hate the way you suddenly pop into my life,...when I am least prepared...
I hate it more when you suddenly disappear....forgeting me completely...
But what I hate the most is my anticipation of ur popping-in when you are away and my fear of your disappearence once u are around...

I hate the way you stare at me as if I were beautiful...
I hate it more when you tell me that I am beautiful...
But what I hate the most is how u manage to make an ugly duckling like me FEEL beautiful



I hate how u can manage to make my cheeks hot...I never used to blush before!
I hate that stupid thing you do with your eyes making me feel a strange warmth...
But what I hate the most is how I get stuck between the heat of my cheeks and the heat of your eyes...




I hate that goblin glint of your eyes...
I hate that outrageously awesome tilt of your mouth...
But damn!! I soo hate it when  I just cant take my eyes off you when you have that glint and that tilt on..



I hate the way you try to get naughty...
I hate that pathetic face u make before letting go off me when I show u  angery-eyes...
But what I hate the most is that u listen to me... everytime...



I hate the way you are always so confused...
I hate it more that you even confuse the ever so sure me...
What I hate the most is that I enjoy those confusions..



I hate it when you fill my eyes with tears...you should know that I dont like being sad
I  hate it more when you make me smile....without any reason at all!!
I hate it the most when I am crying and some thought of yours crosses my mind making me smile



I hate when you make me feel dumb...as if all my senses were on fire...
I hate it more when you call me "dumb"...and tell me that u love it
I hate it the most when you make me want to act "dumb"...


 
I hate it when you show extra care...
I hate it when you say "I dont care"...
I hate it the most that I care about your care...



I hate it when you never pick up my calls ...and I atlast accept the truth that I am not wanted anymore... 
I hate it more when after days of not picking up, u suddenly  call me and act as if everything's the same...
But what I hate the most is when I believe that everything is indeed the same...




I hate it when you lie, your pupils becoming stiff telling me the truth while your voice showing all the conviction it can...
I hate it when I realize you still have to lie to me....
But I hate it the most when I end up believing you each time, everytime...




I hate the way you depress me and make me really sad...
I hate it more when you make me lose all interest in everything I like to do...
But what I hate the most is that only you inspire me again....without even knowing that you do



I hate how you make all that anger I wasn't even aware of  surface
I hate that u brought hatred back into my life again...
But what I hate the most is the fact that I know its not hate but actually an overwhelming amount of love that u filled my heart with, only enabling me to realize the feeling of hatred...



I hate that u act so hateful so many many times...
I hate it more when you make me say "I hate you" so many many times...
but what I hate the most is that I dont hate you at all...



I hate it that you would never read this...
I hate it more that you may read this...
I hate it the most that if you do ...you would never tell me



I hate it that you give me so many reasons to hate you...
I hate it more that almost all of them are true...
But what I hate the most is that I just cant ever manage to hate you....




PS: 
To anyone reading this;
this is my first attempt at romance. So in case you find it too mushy...excuse me...

To PA;
If u r reading this....I swear on the entire race of mankind, women-kind....and the kind that lies in between....I DO NOT HAVE A BOYFRIEND! 



Wednesday, November 10, 2010

the usual...is the best :)

Best friend doesn't inform that he's in town....u have to abuse and sulk!!!

A medico friend forgets her exams and comes all the way to her frns(us)... for half a day...and stays at ur home but spends all her time meeting other people....u have to thrash her verbally!!!

A third friend comes to your place for a get together...leaves your place fuming with rage...and none of it is your fault...

Pa comes home for diwali, only to sulk through the entire festive season...

Didi criticizes the first ever dinner u make for her and prefers to eat Maggie instead!!!

And lastly....after a few initial days of extra love and care(which is a  pretty uncomfortable situation) , Ma's back to her regular shouting and pouting....

AHHHH!!! THE WORLD IS AT PEACE....AND LIFE'S BEAUTIFUL...AM LOVIN IT  :)

Saturday, October 9, 2010

I wish a thankyou was allowed :-)

OKAY!!! I completed my hatrick this month...lost my third cell phone!!! Yes!! I can officially declare myself  a super loser now! I hate myself!
 I was "almost" happy the day it happened, it was celebration time in my college!!I was singing and dancing, hopping around, smiling at people, laughing loudly after a really long time...you see, I have become kind of a crybaby since a few months, life doesn't seem too bright now a days, I guess my looking glass has got shit on it :-P
Anyway, coming back to the point, I felt really sad after losing my phone...it was such a sense of loss... although the cell was worth only 3000 bucks, and perhaps it was one of the most useless models ever launched by a mobile company , with no special features(not even a blue tooth)...but the phone contained some of the most cherished memories of my 20 years of life.... which actually redefined "life" for me (yeah, I know I sound pathetic....but guess what, I feel pathetic too!! so forgive me)
I even started crying!!!!...and then feeling silly....and then crying again.....and kept on crying....my friends were so scared and awkward ...not their fault, it was the first time they ever saw me like this. I was so busy crying and feeling silly that I did not notice what was happening around me.... my friends, ten morons to be more precise, had stopped the celebration( forgotten about it rather) and they were all over the college, the cafeteria, the xerox-wala's shop,  the campus grounds....basically every possible corner of the university where their careless and useless friend (ME) could have dropped her phone!! One of them, with whom I wasn't talking since the last month (ego problem), roamed around in the campus grounds, burning his head in the sun for me, and then he even gave a try to make me smile, another guy, I cant even tolerate being in the same room with, called almost every person I had come across that day in order to check if they have that damned phone with them, a third friend actually stole a bottle of water for me from a faculty's office!!!! All of them were so suppotive...one of the girls even risked taking up a fight with the cafeteria-man when he refused to cooperate!!! My friend, whose party we were enjoying, left his special someone alone, on that special day of theirs, and instead spent his entire day with me, trying to cheer me up, and that girl didn't complain even for once!!! They all made me feel so important, so special and most importantly, none of them called me silly :-) !!
Drowning in the feeling of loss, and helplessness, cursing myself and of course, fate...
 I was almost about to feel grateful to them...when I stopped myself...

 Silly me!!!! What are friends for???!!!! :-D
The Morons

PS: I am suffering from what u call a "writer's-block" (not that I would ever dare to call myself a "writer")....so  in case u find this write up silly or amateurish....I am sorry. May be not very well expressed but I meant every line....and everything written between the lines!

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Happily suffering....

You happen to be a very strong person emotionally...You don't get bothered easily, forget about getting hurt...you are a person whose favorite exercise is smiling, and a person the sound of  whose laughter spreads faster than the chicken flu...To summarize, you are a person who feels ''blessed'' with every heartbeat...
                         But one night, sitting with a few friends, listening to perhaps the most idiotic song ever, you, even more idiotically, happen to connect yourself with its lyrics,and start feeling that somewhere, something is not right...that you are missing something...you start wondering  what went wrong somewhere in your life...what was the mistake that you made, and why, inspite of the fact that you consider whatever happened to be a very trivial affair, are you suffering so miserably...
                            And then....for the first time in a long, long, long.... long period... you feel that wetness on your cheeks, that taste of salt on your lips, you experience that feeling of getting choked, choking more due to expressed emotions than due to suppressed cries..... you start crying,  feeling more n more foolish, with each tear you shed...but knowing that you are being honest at last, that  you are accepting your defeat, surrendering, to that honest part of yourself, which you had imprisoned in a cell of  lies and pseudo strength...
Shocked that you are, at the sudden stimulation of your all time "dormant" tear glands, you are relived that this would make you feel lighter...but strangely, you start feeling even heavier, more bottled up than ever, may be because you have realized that the "trivial" matter was not so "trivial" after all and you are scared, insecure about how much more you will have to suffer ahead.
You keep listening to depressing songs for the whole night, filling your mind with depressing thoughts, getting depressing nightmares, and waking up the next morning in a completely depressed state feeling like the most undeserving and unwanted creature alive...

Then...your cell phone beeps, you get a totally unexpected message from one of the very few people who matter to you, asking you a question no "undeserving,unwanted" person is ever asked...the message asks, "Howz the most beautiful person on earth?"
You just smile and feel blessed... once more :)

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

JAAG- from unfair unprofessionalism




This post is for a new but definitely promising endeavor called "JAAG" jaagtheawakening.blogspot.com , started by a supremely talented blogger...
"Jaag"- it is a common hindi word, meaning "awaken"...and that is what this initiative is all about....in all my humble  understanding, it is aimed at awakening the responsible human side that I believe is present in all of us, although in most of the cases hibernating..enough of that beauty sleep now...its time that we wake up and take a look at all the ugliness around us.
This is my first attempt...i dont know if this will have an effect, but I have decided to act like a snooze alarm!! I will keep on ringing, keep on writing, till at least one soul awakens.So here goes...



Who wouldn't want to work in an office that is fully air conditioned to start with... has old bollywood melodies playing constantly... where any hour can be regarded as the lunch hour... where you have your own desk, but you are allowed to use anyone's...you have access to every employee's computer as well....and of course  you can ask your customer,"you see, am new here....do you have any idea how this is supposed to be done?""!!!...Welcome to the city branch of the Central Bank Of India!!!!

Trust me, there is not even an ounce of exaggeration in the above mentioned description... 
I needed some work done in this office, and was actually tensed that I might be late... but hey!! we at central bank are big hearted people, we dont disappoint our customers just because they are a bit late!!! And we are anything but snobs! If we have any confusions...we simply ask our customers to help us...we actually give them our computers so that they find it easier to solve our problems and help us with our inefficiency!!

Man!!! I doubt If I ever saw a more "bindaas" attitude anywhere in my entire lifetime...these people just dont care!! I was shocked to see the condition of their desks...."important" documents lying haywire on every possible corner of their tables...aren't these documents supposed to hold extremely valuable informations about a thousand commoners who happen to be foolish enough to trust these "sarkaari" employees???!!! 

How could these people, who are running their homes, getting medical facilities,travel allowances and god alone knows what else from the taxes that we pay have a behavior so "hideously bohemian" towards  our hard earned money... I felt, to say the least..."disappointed"....and somewhat scared...I mean,for god sake, you are discussing       theplas and handvi over my money!!!

Dont take me wrong..I dont for once mean to portray these bank people as some sort of dark criminals...they were  everyday people...They just seem to have got used to such non-carish ways...but wouldn't you call that unfair??They might not be stealing our money...but isn't such sheer unprofessionalism a form of corruption too??!! We are almost being played with, and that too in the hands of  inefficiency and negligence!! I refuse to accept being treated as a toy, so should you...JAAG!! 



Monday, June 14, 2010

Rendevous with a rikshawala

How spoilt is the y-generation???

Isnt there a serious lack of responsibility in the young crowd of today???

Can a guy and a girl ever be "just" friends???

finally....

Its 10.30 pm!why arent you at home???

These are just a few questions that I recently answered....to a rikshawala!

Me and my best friend were out for a movie that night and we were returning home when we met this "curious" riksha driver...We were busy with our own talks,when he interrupted us... I was  telling my friend something about my ma n pa,a very innocent joke actually ...when this guy bursted out laughing,and said,"mummy-papa ko bhi nhi chodte aap" I was quite taken aback by his reaction ,because I hadn't expected that he would be listening...neither did I want him to. Anyway, being polite,"little kids" we smiled,and ignored this as a joke...however,our very friendly rikshawala wasn't done yet...WHAT AM I SAYING!!....it was actually only the beginning..

He suddenly stopped laughing,and started telling us off instead...that we should leave our parents alone...shouldn't laugh at  their expence....this is not right,etc etc...some more etc....

We still didnt say anything...not that he gave us a scope to...
He went on talking...no wait!! "talking" is not the right term here...he went on "telling"...
I know now that he has got a 15 year old daughter called Heena,a wife with whom he has been married for the last 17years...He leaves home every morning at 8am and goes back at 2.30 am...

I know that he once met a couple,who were being...u know...a "couple" and  when he tried to stop them from being such a "couple" they told him that they were married...only to confess later that they were not...they were just a "couple"...This guy has some serious issues with PDA(public display of affection)

He is a self proclaimed superhero...he recounted how he once saved a poor chap in front of the IIM-A from ragging...how he slapped the scoundrels and stopped them from toturing the helpless guy...and even gave them a lecture on the same...(I dont doubt the last part)

Then he asked us straight away...well,actually,there was some hesitation..."can I ask u something "prasnal"....would u answer it for me??" No,we didnt get the chance to say an yes or no....he did get "prasnal" without waiting for our reply...
"Can a guy and a girl be just friends"(looking at us suspeciously from the rear view mirror...we shifted slightly away from each other...couldn't help it, the guy had hawk eyes!!!)

We looked at each other and took that unsaid decision...enough!!! kood jaao maidaan me!!!
We started defending ourselves...and in the process ended up telling him the story of our own friendship...I said out loud ,"we arent just friends, we are "best" friends....we know each other since the last 13 yrs and it has never occured to us that we could be anything more...we know each other inside-out, and really care about eachother...and we want to be like this for ever...I would never ever wanna lose him, come what may!!!"
Then I stopped dead...I didn't realise it,while I was saying all this...but ,I had never cared to tell my friend how much he means...May be,I would never have been able to word my feelings as well,never would have even bothered...but thanks to Hasmukh Bhai(yes! our rikshawala)...I poured it all out that night...I stole an embarrased glance at my friend...only to see that same stupid smile on his face that has been there since the last 13 yrs...

I dont know if he even heard what I said(he usually starts saying the alphabets in the reverse order in his mind when I am talking too much :P) but yesss...I was  satisfied  that I had successfully expressed  my emotions to atleast one person I truly love :)...it meant alot :))))...and when I dropped him near his house that night...I was surprised that I even had the guts to say,"dhyaan se jaana"...
And guess what,I think he did listen afterall...cause he turned to reply,"haan,haan,dont worry" ...now this was new!!!
well...I was lost in the awsomeness of whatever I was feeling at that moment when I was jerked out of my thoughts by Hasmukh  bhai again..."ma'm apko itna late baahar nhi hona chahiye...acche ghar k lagte ho..."

I was expecting another bout of irritation from myself at this yet another personal comment....But I was surprised to find myself smile and say, ya, its late indeed!! :)

Monday, June 7, 2010

I am odd!!

I am on a holiday...meaning loads and loads of free time :P
so, I have been doing a bit of self analysis ...only to discover, that I am even more strange than I usually am percieved to be!!!
well, strange as I am...I had really a great time making these conclusions :) so here are a few of them...


* I feel closer to people when I am alone and I feel lonely when I am amidst a lot of people!!May be thats why I love being alone :O

* I hate hurting people...but generally always end up doing the same :(

*I neva let anyone hold my hand...only three people on this earth have got this right, two of them do this while crossing roads 'cuz they panic while doing so!!

* I get commited to everything I start once...be it a frienship or something as simple as a book!!!Cant leave a book half unread!!

* I am usually percieved to be rude,and I dont like it ...but I absolutely loath it when someone calls me "sweet"-YUKKK!!!


*I HATE dirty toes-UGHHHH!!!

*I cant pray at temples,mosques,churches,or any other holy place...although I am a firm b'liver of god,mind it!!

* I cant be sad for too long...totally impossible...I have even made a concious effort to stay sad,only to fail miserably...man!I cant help smiling!!!

* I love getting tired!!!both physically and emotionally!!!It makes me so happy to be busy :)

* My favourite dish is "finger nails" :P

* I laugh more when I am very sad!!!Its a direct proportionality: the sadder I am,the louder I laugh !

* I dont care about most of the people I come across!! but I cant help caring like hell for certain people who matter to me,even if I try not to care...altho none of them would b'live dis :(

* I can turn deaf  when I dont want to listen...I wouldnt even bother, I dont care enough..

* I cant lie....secret: weird though it is, but my hands start shivering when am lying

* I am generally more rude to those people whom I love-very much!

* I am usually speechless when I really want to say something, but I am all "blahblahblah" when I havent got the faintest idea of what I am trying to say!!:P

* I am pathetically punctual...every morning I get up 5mins before my alarm goes off so that I can sleep for 5 extra mins!! I make my coffee in xactly 3mins and drink it in xactly 7mins everyday!!!sometimes I am early and scold pople for being late when they are on time!!:P

* I dont like it when people pretend...and I can be pretty "stright forward" to them!!!

* "I hate u somuch" is the most frequent thing that people I dearly love hear from me!!

* I cant help thinking positive!!!!I can be almost impractical,when positivity is concerned.

* I hate justifying myself, but I am pretty good at it :P

* I cant stand being misunderstood, but that is mostly the case!!!

* I fall down at every oppurtunity that I get...I really think something is wrong wid my balance centre!!

* I hate being sick....I am a store house of diseases!:(

* People being careless about their health is out of my tolerance limit...my doc's sick of me not paying attention to my health!

* I can make a thousand expressions over a single matter....and I hate the fact that I cant express all of them with this stupid keypad :(  :O  :P  X-(.... hell!!!technology is sooo limited!!!!

* I am blessed wid a great memory....I neva forget b'days,anniversarries...nething...only I cant help forgetting my meals!!

* I hate my eyes!I think they are abnormally huge!!I actually stop trusting a person if he/she happens to compliment me on my eyes!!!

* I dont understand how my kohl always...ALWAYS manages to get smudged!!!

* I love writing...and I am very particular about my blog...almost addicted!!I blog for hours even during xam days!!:)

* A lot of  chaos makes me feel at  peace!!!

* I go into deep thinking at weird times...e.g: crossing roads, waiting for a bus at crowded bus stands,getting down from a local train....

* I cant sleep during transit...bus,train,flight,wateva...

* I dislike getting addicted...I have to take pain killers when I dont get my daily dose of  coffee :P

* I am happiest when I am dancing, most satisfied when I am painting....and both...well that never happens :(

* I cant handle being complimented for some noble deed...(not that this happens too often :P)

* I have a pathetic road sense...I even get lost at my workplace sometimes :P

* I detest inefficiency....but I am very patient with such people :P

* And yes, I absolutely love this smily :P
:P
:P
:P

* To be avoided or ignored ,I consider is the  ultimate disrespect ...I usually do this with people I dislike....and now I am beginning to think I am truly mean :(

* "I am a girl" is the thing I need to keep reminding some of my friends!!! X-(

* I always like to keep it short....all my blog posts are looooooooooooooong ones :(...just like this one....I really think I can go on for eternity wid this list....so I would rather stop :P...altho I know it very well that I ll  be adding  on later :D

Monday, May 24, 2010

wierd world+confusing crowd=happy conclusions:)

Eureka!!!
I have discovered a new wierdness about this world!!
Yesterday, my sis had her m.sc  examination,here at mumbai...I decided to accompany her to the centre.
The local train, and a rikshaw ride took us there...I dont think I need to explain how busy and fast this city of dreams is!! Theres so much movement every where...every single face contorted in tension, every single footstep in a hurry to reach its destination...every pair of eyes tired...but awake...and every soul focussed on making a place for itself in the crowd.

Anyway,we entered the railway station...I saw the crowd...a crowd always makes me wanna think...and there I went...quite as a fallen log...I even stopped smiling(a thing very uncharacteristic of me)...but I still didn't know exactly what I was thinking...
The train arrived, and our journey to churchgate started...My sis was busy studying, I was busy noticing people...happy faces, sad faces, tired faces...every single face was like a new story...a story that would most likely stay untold in this world...because none of us really cared!!We are all strangers afterall...not known to each other...and hence,not bothered about each other...
I noticed that the person sitting in front of me was smiling to himself...may be a promotion,a vacation, his daughter's wedding,a sibling coming home after a long time,or who knows...his anniversary, or may be just a memory made him smile...I was trying to guess, when I felt that warmth on my cheeks...I realised, I too was smiling with him!! Why would the smile of an unknown man make me want to smile?? How was I bothered by the unknown happiness of this stranger??But was he really a stranger? if we plunge into the depths...are indeed we all truly such strangers...arent we all related... related by that frown on our forehead during difficult times...by that hollow in the corner of our lips in happiness...that elevated nose in pride...that raised eyebrow in surprise...that firmness of the chin in determination...Yes!! we all share a bond...we are all bonded by that common bond of commonness!!
Since my encounter with a thousand commoners yesterday,I have started feeling closer to this world...much more wanted, much more wanting...its not the way I thought it to be afterall... everyone cares...because in this world every common deed of every common man matters, they affect the lives of everyone...its a chain reaction really!!!A does good to B ,B is happy,B does good to C ,C is happy... but if C breaks the chain...the reaction is disrupted...and this affects A and B too!!!
Emotions are infectious...you smile when you see someone smiling,you feel bad when someone tells you about a mishappening...and yes, all of us are special...we  all mean the world to someone,we all have atleast one person in our lives,who totally depends on us...we all deserve a hug, a kiss, a pat on the back...So,come on...lets say a loud bravo for ourselves!! We are the common people....,we face defeats,we struggle everyday..struggle for our very existence...and yet, after every day's struggle, when we close our eyes at nights we dream of success,of winning that struggle...so you see, we are all heroes,all stars...
It is us who run the world...today, you might feel like a loser...but trust me, you are supposed to lose if you lost... ...if you dont lose today, you wont realise the worth when you win tommorow...
you are exactly where you are supposed to be...exactly what you are supposed to be....all of us are perfect in our own ways...'cause we were created by god and god makes no mistakes :)

PS: Bonjovi's song "welcome to wherever u are" was my inspiration,when I was 15...couldnt help remembering a few lines while writing this post today,thats why included some lines from the song ...
Bonjovi rocks :)

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Someone, please explain....

Recently heard this song of Fergie's :"big girls dont cry"...
Cant agree more with it...even I dont cry...cant cry rather...dont even remember the last time,I shed a tear...
Why does this happen???Is it a part of growing up???
But as we grow up, arent we supposed to become more balanced emotionally??...more in control of ourselves,understand ourselves better???Then why do we lose this ability to cry,why do we slowly start becoming ashamed of exposing our vulnerable selves to the world when it is but such a natural thing???Why cant we just go and tell the person who has hurt us so badly that hey!!am hurt!!and I dont like it!!!
why do we smile and say..."Its okkkk....no big deal..." when in reality, we want to scream at the top of our lungs and hold on to that person...and say "Damn!!cant you see,u are important to me,u have the ability to hurt me,break me so badly...I depend on u now" ...But no,we,the biggest hypocrites breathing on this planet,would rather say...."well...its not the end of the world!!!" Reality check: "Its not the end of the world,but it is definitely the end of something that meant the world to you!!"
Then why are we so scared to accept it???why are we so scared of getting hurt???Of hurting the other person??Doesn't the fact that we are capable of hurting or getting hurt by a certain person reflect the plain truth that there's some  intimacy between the two of us???And that's supposed to be a good thing, right??? Then why cant we simply get hurt,cry our heart out,let that heaviness off our chests,tell that person,''you have hurt me real bad, made my eyeballs swell out of their sockets with all that crying" and then give ourselves a second chance....why instead,are we prepared to live in that same grief every single day of our life,get up in the morning with that same realization,and go to sleep every night with that same mad hope???Why are we so complicated!!!???Why cant we simply be honest!!!We are even dishonest to our own selves,we keep on lying to ourselves..."its all right,life goes on..." Please!! it doesnt...life stands stagnant rigt there...nd the truth is ,we dont even want it to move forward...we would rather live in that moment when we had it for the last time,when it was in our possession!! But we would still tell ourselves, "relax,something else would come up"....,do we actually even want anything ''else''???... We make ourselves  live in a world of  lies and illusions, murdering our happiness,every single moment...And then we are shameless enough to blame it on the world: ''Its a cruel world out there!!!''  NO!! thats not true!!! the world's not cruel,its only us, we,ourselves make us suffer so badly!!And we become so addicted to our suffering, our pain,that we slowly start enjoying it!!!We are the ones who make ourselves so weak....we are our own slow poisons!!And doesn't sufering every moment because of that certain someone,who defined the word "happiness" for you at a certain time of your life,the worst way you can curse that person!!How could we be so selfish!!!
Hell!!! I hate being human...it gets so inhuman at times!!

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Just one of those things...

I am a bathaholic(hope this term exists)...which means I love to bathe...I am sort of addicted to it.
So quite often, it happens, that I run out of  soap:P and then, without a way out,I start using shampoo instead!!
This happened again recently...
It was a weekend... just after taking my bath,I went to a friend's room...
As soon as I entered, her roomie commented with total innocence..."whats smelling so good??" Feeling somewhat embarrased but pleased(come on,her comment could be taken as a compliment too!!!) at the same time,I replied "me"...But you know them...GIRLS!!!We are a curious breed, its difficult to calm our ever so curious minds at one go...so obviously, this "scent sensitive" friend of mine was not satisfied with "me" alone as an answer..."Which soap" was her next one...I am not a very spontaneous liar....I could have named some exotic french  la savon...but being Divyashree Datta(read ''a dumb female'')...I said,"its Himalayas daily use shampoo"...She looked at me....the look changed into a stare...which changed into a gawk...and then an expression of pure pity!!!:(
She stood up, walked to her almirah, took out a greenish colored something and handed it to me...she said..."bechari...use this from the next time"...I generally dont take favours(especially when am called a "bechari":@)...but I was quite embarrased to say no...so I took it.
The cardboard packing looked somewhat familiar...but I didnt pay much attention to it...who cares about brands anyway:P!!Later,when I was taking my bath before going to sleep that night....the smell of that soap stirred something in my mind...it was extremely familiar...I felt as if I had known this fragrance for quite a long time!!But although I tried very hard to remember,I couldn't figure out,why I was sensing this familiarity...when I came back to my room,there was a missed call on my cell from my dad's number...and then it dawned...that smell... the familiarity of which I was unitentionally loving, which compelled me to stretch my bathing time over a considerable margin,was the smell of my dad!! I underwent a strange feeling...it was as if time had turned back,I was again a 10 year old when my dad used to come out of his bath before the evening tea, with beads of water all over his body,his scanty(sorry dad!!:)) hair standing all around his cute round face...his entire being,the air around him fragrant with that very same scent,which on that night gave me a feeling of home coming ...I had unknowingly loved this scent for soooo long, it had stayed back in some deep corner of my heart...and so many years later,it had come out of that corner,and made me realise that it was very dear to me!!

Memories are wierd things,aren't they...you never know,what causes you to go back in time,dwell in those long forgotten moments....A scent, a touch, a gaze....god knows what takes you down the memory lane...sometimes,you cant even remember what it is about....like it happened to me....you just have this feeling....a feeling that freezes your being for a while ...but warms your heart for what seems like eternity...its a thing you have zero control over...Not that this has an authority over the course of your life...to a practical mind...its just a state of mind...But yes...when this state happens,you cant help feeling good inside, it may not be authorizing your life as such...but it definitely creates such moments that make our lives more...well..more lively!!You cant even explain why this happens all of a sudden.. you cant even give this feeling a name....You know, it just happens...You just feel it...You know...its just one of those things...

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Lights-Camera-Action... Director:GOD

Let me first confess that I have never really been much of a movie buff..So, incase that you were misguided by the title and expected some sorta movie review of a movie directed by some larger than life director,considered to be god by me...I would say,"HELLO!! Meet disappointment!!" I dont do glamour...I am a very simple creature, so I talk about simple things...I am too busy looking at and admiring the simple beauties of this awsome thing called "life"...
It was raining tonight...and so has been the case for the last 7 or so days...strange thing, considering the fact that I am in jaipur,that too in the middle of may!! But,well,who's complaining!!;D
Tonight, me and a friend of mine were completely engrossed in one of the most important things the laptop of an engineering student is used for...they call it: "watching movies"...we call it dire need in exam dayz ;)....(But I rly am not a movie buff,ok!!...its just a hostel thing,REALLY)...well, getting back... all of a sudden...there was this furious illumination outside my window...Nothing special...just lightning...my friend joked...."wow!! god hamari photo le rahein hain!!" we laughed a little, and then just forgot it as some silly cute joke...later in the night,standing at my window,I was enjoying the rain,when the sky was streaked with that purple light again...
That was when, I was reminded of our "silly joke"..and as usual, my scanty and totally unemployed grey cells became active(somewhat :P)...A strange but interesting thought came to my mind...you see, although I am almost twenty...I still am just two, when it comes to imagination...and so, it began...
It occured to me that may be, god was indeed clicking our pictures...maybe, he was planning a blockbuster, for which he needed leads....and so, he was making a portfolio of all of us,to see who fitted the role the best!!! He wanted to see which one of us was the most beautiful so as to deserve a blockbuster...
And then, it struck me...we say that we have prewitten destinies,right?!, decided by that supreme power sitting above us somewhere... may be, a lightning is just his way of deciding who is the most beautiful, the worthiest of us all to have a blockbuster of a destiny!!! may be, our souls are our faces for god, and our deeds our auditions,based on which he decides whom to cast where...who is to become an Amitabh Bacchan,and who is to have flops lined up...Just like an audition ,he gives us, on the spot scripts and plots...Only,we call them "situations"...and then,he sits back on that DIRECTOR's chair of his, fixing on us, his all-knowing  eyes,to observe our "performances"...and then he decides...which role we are supposed to play!!And its no mean feat cracking those auditions either...he tests you with everything.... comedy, tragedy, romance, action...and in the end the climax!!! You have to give your best shot, put forward your best performance each time, to make him see the superstar in you!!!And then...you will have it...your dream role...a blockbuster...a superhit....only in "ALMIGHTY-WOOD" this superhit is called, yes, that wonderful thing again...life  :)
Action!! He's watching....

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Moody Nights...

I live in a hostel and I love the position of my room...it literally bathes in moonlight at nights....
My window faces a hill with the smallest possible hilltop temple ever, and a stable at the foot of  the hill...[and yesss...also the boys hostel ;)...though this is quite irrelivent here :P]
Well, I have my bed, just beside the window, and each night is a different experience for me...I am not a very sound sleeper, and thanks to this somewhat insomniac tendency of mine,I can enjoy my nights drowning in my own strange, not so composed and "nobody else would ever listen to this" kinda thoughts, untill am lulled to sleep sowly by Bryan Adams or Savage garden or Srikanto or Jagjit Singh or even Himesh Reshamiya sometimes(dont tell this to anyone plz plz plz)...
But last night, there wasnt any moonlight ...I had one of those nights when its raining outside the window, with the wind swishing at  the curtains and whistling in my ears...when in the pitch dark of the night, the sky suddenly gets split into two by a whip of lightning...followed by a loud roar of thunder... when neither the moon nor the stars are visible, and you dont even get the oppurtunity of missing thier presence either, because you are too busy, losing yourself in nostalgia, surrendering to your innermost thoughts and memories, imagining wierd situations that would never,in this lifetime,come true...and even smiling to yourself foolishly, thinking about them...
But amidst all these mixed emotions,jumbled thoughts and silly "part of growing up" confusions,I think there lies a kind of solace,a peace that you can only get when your thoughts are thoroughly haywire!!
I cant remember the actual song at the moment..but I think there's a line in some song that sings:"I find peace when I m confused, hope when I m let down"...the lyricist must be a very smart person!!
I reached a conclusion last night...sorrowes can be enjoyed too... :)
I wonder who was that smart fellow, who said "theres something good in everything"...